CAUSES OF CONFLICTS IN CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE

Conflict in Christian marriage is not uncommon, as marriage involves two individuals with unique personalities, experiences, and expectations. Understanding the causes of these conflicts can help couples address them with wisdom and grace. Below are key causes of conflicts in Christian marriages. The scripture says, "As the bird by wandering, as the swallow by flying, so the curse causeless shall not come". This illustrates that conflicts and struggles in life, including in Christian marriages, do not arise without cause. Just as a bird does not randomly land but moves purposefully, conflict often has underlying reasons that must be understood and addressed. Just as a wandering bird seems aimless, miscommunication in marriage can lead to misunderstanding and discord. When couples fail to communicate openly or interpret each other’s actions wrongly, it creates a "wandering" dynamic that invites unnecessary conflict. The swallow’s flight is intentional and often follows predictable patterns. Similarly, recurring conflicts in marriage often stem from habitual behaviors or unresolved issues. For example, neglecting quality time or failing to address financial concerns can create ongoing tension. Moreover, the verse emphasizes that a "curse causeless" will not come, pointing to the importance of avoiding unfounded blame. In marriage, assigning fault without understanding the real issue can escalate conflict. Instead, couples should focus on the problem rather than attacking each other personally. If conflict has a cause, it also has a solution. Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us to trust in the Lord and seek His guidance. By bringing issues before God in prayer and studying His Word, couples can identify and address the sources of their struggles with wisdom and love.

1. Conflict Has a Cause

This verse teaches that nothing happens without reason. Similarly, marital conflicts do not arise out of thin air. There are always underlying factors, such as unmet needs, unresolved issues, or misaligned expectations. Identifying these root causes is essential to resolving disputes effectively.

2.Selfishness

James 4:1-2 points to selfish desires as a root of many quarrels: "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?" When one or both partners prioritize their needs, preferences, or ambitions over their spouse’s well-being, conflict is inevitable.

3. Unmet Expectations

Proverbs 13:12 states: "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." Unrealistic or uncommunicated expectations—whether about finances, intimacy, roles, or parenting—can lead to disappointment and resentment when they are not met.

4. Poor Communication

Proverbs 18:21 reminds us of the power of words: "The tongue has the power of life and death." Misunderstandings, harsh words, or a lack of open, honest dialogue can cause unnecessary tension. Failure to actively listen and empathize can further escalate disagreements.

5. Financial Stress

1 Timothy 6:10 warns: "For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil." Disagreements over spending habits, budgeting, or financial priorities often create friction. Financial strain can also cause anxiety and blame, adding to the stress in the marriage.

6. Differences in Priorities or Values

Amos 3:3 poses a crucial question: "Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?" Couples may experience conflict when their priorities, values, or life goals differ. This can include how they spend time, raise children, or serve in ministry.

6. In-law or Family Issues

Genesis 2:24 emphasizes the importance of leaving and cleaving: "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife." Interference or strained relationships with extended family can cause tension, particularly when boundaries are not clearly defined or respected.

7. Spiritual Differences or Immaturity

2 Corinthians 6:14 cautions: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers." Even in Christian marriages, differences in spiritual maturity or devotion to Christ can create discord. For instance, one spouse may prioritize church involvement while the other does not, leading to feelings of imbalance or frustration.

8. Lack of Intimacy or Emotional Connection

1 Corinthians 7:3-5 stresses the importance of fulfilling marital duties: "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband." A lack of physical or emotional intimacy can make one or both partners feel neglected, leading to misunderstandings or bitterness.

9. Unresolved Past Issues

Ephesians 4:26-27 warns against holding onto anger: "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." Unresolved arguments, past hurts, or lingering guilt can resurface, causing tension and distrust.

10. Stress and External Pressures

Matthew 11:28-30 offers comfort in times of stress: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Pressures from work, health challenges, or life transitions can lead to short tempers, reduced patience, and difficulty focusing on the relationship.

11.Differences in Parenting Styles

Proverbs 22:6 emphasizes raising children in a godly way: "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it." Couples may disagree on discipline, education, or spiritual upbringing for their children, leading to frustration and discord.

12. Unrealistic Views of Marriage

Many Christian couples enter marriage with idealistic expectations, believing their faith will prevent all conflict. However, John 16:33 remind us: "In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." When reality doesn’t align with these expectations, it can lead to disillusionment and conflict. Understanding the causes of conflict in Christian marriage equips couples to approach issues with grace and biblical wisdom. By addressing these root causes and seeking God’s guidance, couples can strengthen their relationship and overcome challenges together.